Probably the biggest assumption is that, for couples, having a threesome will ruin their relationship. These reductive portrayals come through in films like Zoolander, where a threesome quickly turns into a mass orgy, and in alarming articles like What really happens during a threesome and why it will wreck your relationship.
I can tell you the reality is very different.
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For instance, in an FFM, are either of the women bisexual? And is it always the case that everyone is interested in everyone else or do you sometimes get people who are only interacting with the person of the opposite sex? My research has found that many young men now find MMF threesomes to be as normal, or even more normal, than FFM threesomes. About one quarter of the participants in my studies said they viewed MMFs as the norm for a threesome and about three quarters of participants were open to them.
As well as internet access, I think greater acceptance of homosexuality and LGBT groups is playing a part.
Attitudes to group sex vary across cultures. In the US, studies have found group sex used in alternative communities to transcend boundaries and enter a different spiritual headspace.
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One thing that our research suggested was that women having MMF threesomes — which porn often portrays as degrading to women - exhibited a lot of sexual agency. No doubt this is sometimes the case, but the reality is that many women enjoy being with two men, and the people having an MMF threesome can be totally equal partners. This is especially the case when the men in a threesome interact with each other. We also found that men are much more secure in their sexuality - and subsequently much more open to having threesomes involving two guys - than many people might think.
These men wouldn't necessarily want to touch each other in a sexual way, but they were still interested in having MMF threesomes. Having sex in the presence of another man or woman and even doing sexual things with other men or women can now be part of a heterosexual identity. If you are curious about experimenting with threesomes, it's good to talk about what you're looking to get out of the experience This freedom does come with some negative aspects, though.
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Within contemporary society, especially among young people, there's a certain pressure to tick off a range of sexual experiences: one-night-stands, anal sex, bondage. That creates a kind of peer pressure, which is reinforced by pop culture. And there are plenty of reasons why being in a monogamous relationship may be what many of us want.
If you are curious about experimenting with threesomes, it's good to talk about what you're looking to get out of the experience and what the other people involved are looking to get out of it. Otherwise, it can be a destructive and upsetting experience. For example, I interviewed a woman who initiated a spontaneous threesome with her husband and a female friend who was staying. Nothing was talked about beforehand and the husband focused entirely on the friend.
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This really hurt the wife but she didn't feel she could say anything about it because she had instigated the threesome. On a later occasion, the husband had sex with the friend without his wife present. It seemed he had viewed that initial threesome as permission to have sex with other people - but he hadn't discussed this with her.
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